With that said, I've found myself in a number of
conversations lately that leave me throwing my hands in the air and huffing, and
puffing, and chanting like I’m Jane Austen. #loveher Not to take away from the
substance that almost always comes about from conversations with my girls, but
I’m noticing the idea of being confident and happy with oneself is the
minority.
I am not sure how I ended up so confident and so sure of who
I am, but the past few months have made me extremely appreciative of the fact
that I can be labeled such. Coincidentally, in some weird sort of ironic twist,
the past few weeks have also (unexpectedly) thrown my independence in my face. It
has been my experience that I go after what I want. I don’t really need (potential)
guys to approach me with boring, regular, disengaging conversation. I have
ALWAYS been the assertive type and I haven’t really had any problems with that
approach. However, thinking about it now, I am not sure I want to put in the time
anymore. I’m relatively social (that’s
kind of an understatement) and I have to be the first to admit that my single,
loud, AMAZING and independent personality make it fairly easy to maintain an
active lifestyle. Still, the idea of the chase has become so easy for me I feel
my interest waning. I have become fully aware that my belief that guys are disposable
probably won’t result in a ring on my finger, but who wants a ring from someone
you are just “content” with? I sure as hell don’t, but the common answer, I’m
finding, is quite disturbing. While I go out (frequently) to dance and drink
and converse with strangers in the hopes of learning something new, my cohorts
are out hunting. Searching for something
that doesn't really exist. These fictitious men that have been created and
brought to life through a camera lens (thank you Ryan Gosling) exist, live and
breathe in the imaginations of women everywhere.
Men love the idea of intrigue and mystery. They are
motivated by challenge and the possibility of rejection, but what makes people
think women don’t want the same? Admittedly, those who convince themselves that
they do, run with their tales tucked between their legs to the nearest forest--filled
with fairies and vampires and fiction-ass men--once rejection shows an inkling
of its face. Women have become fearful of the idea of waiting out pursuit so hot
and heavy it could be deemed unreal. #YEEESSSSS
My fascination with the root of confidence in different
people is slowly becoming a point of focus. What exactly is the determining
factor? And does that variation cross gender lines? While my supposed “extreme”
level of confidence has been the topic of discussion with my friends, I tend to
lean toward the “why the eff aren't you thinking the same way that I am”? I truly
don’t find my train of thought to be anything other than that which should be
considered normal. Nevertheless, I’m pretty sure I feel a field study coming
on!
Stay tuned. #genuinelyintrigued.
xx
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